I had written a post last week entitled "The End". I couldn't resist the irony of using a song written by an alcoholic who drowned in a bathtub to describe an alcoholic's surrender to detox. It started something like this ......
"This is the end,
Beautiful friend."
J. Morrison.
A beautiful friend who ......
stood by me for more years than I can remember and helped me forget them,
lifted me up when I was down and let me down when I was in need,
embraced me as an lover and embarrassed me as a fool,
disclosed secrets to strangers and hid them from those I love,
made me powerful, invicible, all knowing and weak willed, pleading, lost,
made me lie to myself and made me lie by myself,
encouraged my desires and disabled my ability to achieve them,
boosted my Ego and destroyed my Self,
and so on.
But now, upon more sober reflection and in the light of the support of those close to me, the experience of those who have been through this and the wisdom and support of Penny and other blogger friends, I prefer to consider my current situation as an opportunity, a possibility, there to be seized.
"The sea's the possibility
There is no land but the land
There is no sea but the sea
There is no keeper but the key
Except for one who seizes possibilities, one who seizes possibilities"
P. Smith.
or, in another poet's words,
"You only get one shot, do not miss this chance to blow
This opportunity comes once in a lifetime, yo
..... Success is my only motherfuckin' option, failure's not"
M. Mathers.
Maybe I'm overblowing it a lil, but how many chances do you get?
As he pondered his future, waiting, anticipating in unfamiliar detox
Realizations dawned, futures unfurled, somewhere in the mind of fox
A change in course from failures to triumph, remember the Red Sox?
Or more of the same, one big step closer to a cold and lonely pine box
Woefully inept poet.
So, what's it gonna be, fucker?
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15 comments:
Your ode to the 'beautiful friend' is perfectly written. It is exact in it's description and carries all that heartbreak so well. I am moved and happy for you that you are clean and aware and strong. Fight the good fight, Cali!
Love to you.
I just came back to read you again. I love this post. By far, my favorite. Well done.
I'm not going to pretend that I know and understand exactly where you are coming from, though this post was incredibly insightful and telling. I have experienced addiction in my own way and transcending that was(is) a great challenge. I applaud you from the depth and breadth of my heart. The Truth of your Self is unfolding and expanding with every passing moment of "clear and clean".
"I prefer to consider my current situation as an opportunity, a possibility, there to be seized."
You are so right.
Thank you for sharing.
Hope things are looking up for you.
in my own circumstance, i find that i have these windows of opportunity, where i'm clear and intelligent and reasonable. i have to jump on them as i never know when someone/something is going to pull the rug out again.
jump on it, cali.
woefully inept poet = gin. i can't say anything that won't be trite, so take it that i understand (sort of) and back you up. good luck to you.
how's your week going?
thanks you guys. i really appreciate your wishes and your wisdom. its meant more to me than i thought it would to have the support of "blog friends" at this time of transition.
:) X4
btw, leah - i found an old copy of siddhartha on our bookshelf - seems as good a time as any to read it finally.
That was indeed a great post.
Reminds me a little of another great (although drunk) poet who wrote about the little bluebird inside him...
:)
Inept! Pffft! I think not.
Can you picture what will be
So limitless and free
Desperately in need...of some...stranger's hand
In a...desperate land
...aren't we all? *hugs*
That was a great post. Hope things are still going well.
thanks stn, celti, NYPi.
nicely chosen jim morrison lyric there, celti.
:)X3
*crickets*
How are you doing, Cali my dear?
Where have you gone?
Where are you, fucker?
:)
I hope you're keeping it together, somehow, Cali. My best wishes, my very best. :)
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