Fox Force Five!

Long thought to have been destroyed by jealous husband Marcelus Wallace, the last reel of a legendary TV show was recently discovered collecting dust in the wine cellar of director Jimmie Dimmick's Beverly Hills home. Now, after more than ten years waiting, we bring you the pilot episode of Fox Force Five!

As the Fox Force Five theme, a Bangles cover of "Foxy Lady", plays, the opening credits roll.....

Starring:


Mia Wallace as Raven McCoy. Expertise; knife play, acrobatics


Beatrix Kiddo as Lark Dakota. Expertise; team leader, photographic memory


Go Go Yubari as Suzume Taka. Expertise; martial arts


Vernita Green as Robin Banks. Expertise; demolition


Jaqueline Brun as Michelle Auspree. Expertease; coolness, seduction


And with Bill Caine as "Falconer"

Episode 1. The Pilot.

The Fox Force Five are lounging, bikini-clad, around the pool at their luxurious Malibu beach house. Suddenly a large, two-sided screen emerges from the center of the pool. As the water streams down the shining black surfaces, an image of a man appears on each side of the screen. Perhaps in his late fifties, yet with a youthful glint in his eyes. He reclines in his black leather chair and speaks with a quiet, understated, yet strangely commanding voice.

"Hello Fox Force Five."

"Hello Falconer" reply the Five in unison.

"Fox Force Five, I have a code 1, top priority, maximum security, super secret assignment for you. At oh six hundred hours eastern standard time this morning, a top secret US Air Force prototype Solaris supra-sonic stealth fighter bomber carrying a full complement of short-range, search and destroy, air to surface, laser-guided, nuclear smart missiles and its pilot, Lieutenant Colonel Brock Towers, went missing during a routine training test flight over North Korea. The Vice President just called me to fill me in on the details and instructed me to assign you to the mission ASAP. Our national security depends on you finding and recovering the top secret prototype supra-sonic stealth fighter bomber, the search and destroy, air to ground, laser-guided, smart missiles and Lieutenant Colonel Towers."

"You can rely on us Falconer."

"Lark, as usual, as team leader you will be responsible for making executive decisions in the field and for communicating progress to me. However, since you'll probably be encountering some Koreans along the way, you should make full use of Suzume's experience and language skills."

"Ummm, actually I'm japanese...." Suzume interjects sheepishly.

"Okay, enough talking, Fox Force Five. Let's kick ass!"

In no time at all (quite literally), the Five are headed down Sunset in Lark's Chevy convertible, Lark at the wheel, Raven beside her and Suzume, Robin and Michelle in the back, swaying from side to side as the Chevy lurches around the bends and curves.

"Where are we headed, Lark?" asks Raven.

"I saw a piece in the Times last week about a visiting exhibition of ancient korean art at the Getty. I thought we'd start there. 너 생각한다 무엇이 저 아이디어에 관한 Suzu?" She asks Suzume in fluent korean,

"Japanese!" hisses Suzume through clenched teeth, glaring at the back of Lark's head.

Robin and Michelle stifle their giggles, and to diffuse the situation Robin shouts out,

"Hey, Rave, put some music on!"

Raven turns on the CD player and the speakers burst into life with the Bangles playing a cover of Bikini Kill's "Rebel Girl". Soon all five of them are singing along;

"Rebel Girl, Rebel Girl,
Rebel Girl, you are the queen of my world"

As the music fades and the Chevy winds its way northward toward the Getty Center we cut to commercial.

When we return .......

The United States, North Korea and China at the brink of nuclear war. And Raven tells the tomato joke.